Two bums were walking down the street and they were talking about how they wanted to get drunk, but they were broke. The one bum reaches into his pocket and pulls out 59 cents, the other bum checks his pocket and finds 1.10 in change as well.
“this isn’t nearly enough to get drunk on, but I have an idea”" the one bum say.
“We are going to buy a raw hotdog, and walk into a bar, start a tab and then order a couple drinks, when the bartender hands us the tab, I am going to pull that hotdog out of my pants, you kneel down and start sucking on it. he will kick us out and we will drink for free!”
The other bum liked this idea so they head to the first bar. The two bums order 4 drinks and drink them down fast, the bartender hands them the tab, and the one bum unzips his pants, pulls the hotdog out and the other bum starts sucking on it.
The bartender is shocked, and yells to the bums “get out of my bar you f**king faggots!”
The bums leave and head to the next bar and do the same thing. Order 4 drinks and when they get the tab, the one bums pulls out the hotdog and the other one starts sucking it. They get thrown out of the second bar as well.
This continues for hours, the bums hit several bars, and are starting to get pretty trashed, stumbling all over the place. They get ready to head into the next bar, when the one bum says to the other one. “Hey, how about we switch, and you give me the hotdog this time, im tired of being the one who sucks on it” The other bum looks at him and says…“I would, but I lost that hotdog about three bars back…”
blonde’s car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.
She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.
The life like cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn’t very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What is going on here?”
“My car broke down, Officer” says the woman, calmly.
“Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!” asks the Officer.
HELLLLLLO, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied
Two blonds sitting out at night, looking at stars. First blond says “What do you think is farther away, the moon or Florida?”. The second blonde answers “Daaaaa, can you see Florida from here?”
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a 6 pack to go , any kind except Pabst. The bartender says, "What’s wrong with Pabst, don’t you like it? The man says, “I hate that shit”. Last night I drank a whole case of Pabst and blew chunks. The bartender says, “You drink a case of any beer you’re going to blow chunks”. You don’t understand said the man, Chunks is my dog.
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are sitting together at a bar. Men approach the booth and lay down they’re best pickup lines. After each guy leaves, the ladies whisper to each other about how the guy looked. After, one guy leaves the ladies, the brunette whispers “He had some white flakes in his hair”, the redhead whispers “Yeah i think he needs some Head 'N Shoulders”. The blonde says “Yeah, i agree… But how to you give Shoulders??”
