Should try making those with those huge gallon jugs of Gatorade they sell. Would probably make a pretty big boom. lol
i lawnjobbed my own lawn a few months back, some guy that was driving down my road doing completely nothing wrong got pissed at me for driving at him head on, then swerving into a field and blowing by him at a high speed, blocked me in my own driveway:wtf so i said fuck it and ripped over my lawn, tore it up nice and got behind him and blocked him in hahah, we had our share of words together.:lol
Someone say “lawn jobs”? :lol
Joey is an immature butt pirate.
Chris is an immature butt pirate.
Immature butt pirate boxing is required.
Ummm I would not want to see butt pirate boxing
ROFLCOPTER! I did an accidental lawn job in driving school. Guy came out with a spot light and my driving teacher was screaming. That was awesome. But doing thats hit on purpose is pretty shitty.:Idiots
oh yeah. and that time cossey and i went snow drifting and that guy’s lawn sort of looked like the road… and… it was cossey’s lawn
Someone in my neighborhood had this keep happening to there lawn…so they put spike strips on the edges hahaha that’ll deff stop whoevers doing it
its called being “guilty by association.” look it up. you were in the car with him, you have a voice don’t you? you could have told him it was “not cool,” or to “not do that.” instead you sat right there laughing didnt you? your a young kid, i get that, we’ve all done stupid and immature shit, i am no acception to that. i’m not trying to act “holier than thou,” but you’ve gotta know when to stop.
Sex means more than intercourse; exploring all the different variations enhances your sex life and keeps it from getting stale. Masturbating your partner can be very exciting for both of you. So, read on and learn how to let your fingers do the walking.
Mutual masturbation can be a thrilling experience, but first, we need to study the basics of manual technique. Most men feel women aren’t skilled at handling penises. Their grips are too limp, lacking conviction and exuberance. They seem afraid to apply pressure, yet often pull or tug at inappropriate moments, disrupting the rhythm. They also have a tendency to scratch. Clearly, we all need to be more knowledgeable about the proper methods of mutual masturbation. Either you or your partner can perform the following exercises. But it is written with an experienced woman in mind.
The first concern is always a matter of size. Is it large or small? Somewhere in between? No issue has ever received greater attention than the size of a man’s penis. Man’s obsession with cock size is probably a mental vestige of his primitive primate past, but as far as human sexuality is concerned, it’s a waste of time. A large penis doesn’t have any effect on a woman’s physical enjoyment unless she has a deep-seated psychological attachment to well-endowed men.
How about its shape? Is it curved like a boomerang or is it straight like an arrow? Does your fist fit around the spongy mass of the shaft? Does your hand completely engulf it? This is good because you can squeeze it all at once. But don’t be an organ grinder. Be gentle, yet firm. If the penis has an unusual girth, your hand may not completely encircle it. In such cases, try both hands to insure you don’t miss any of the tender areas while stroking.
Explore every square inch of his genital surface area. A man loves to have his penis worshipped, played with, tickled, fondled, massaged. Let him know that you are not afraid, ashamed or disgusted. Don’t start stroking or jerking quite yet. Just feel the fullness of it all. Let your fingers run from the balls to the top of the cock head, swirl around there, then slide back down the other half and end back down at the balls. The movements should be swift and smooth, without bumping or stalling.
Now you’re ready for some stepped-up action, but you don’t want to suddenly lapse into a series of beatings, whackings, jackings and jerkings. Tease the more sensitive areas of the penis. These include: the glans and corona, and the tender part of the bottom side of his penis.
Bring your palm up to the top of the glans and park it there flat out, fingers held together and stiff, thumb pointed straight out. Spin it around as if you were trying desperately to remove the tight lid of a jar. Your man will be groaning in delicious agony. The glans is super sensitive and this motion will bring him exquisite pleasure. He might grimace and cry out, and probably try to push your hand away, but he’s loving every second of it. Now’s your chance to be the one who plows ahead even though he’s pleading with you to stop!
After you’ve done this for a while, slip your hand down his testicles and ever-so-gently grab them in your fingers, softly tugging them down away from his shaft. If they are big and bulky, like Grade AA eggs, bounce them up and down a couple of times in your hand. Tell him how heavy they feel, how sexy they are.
Whatever you do, don’t squeeze them! This could put a real damper on your lovemaking for the rest of the day. You might notice that one of his nuts hangs lower than the other. This is perfectly normal. Once you feel comfortable with the way his balls feel in your hand, gently roll them up the underside of his shaft. Depending on their size and the amount of room in the scrotum, they will most likely reach to half way of his penis. He will like the way this feels.
Now, let go of his testicles and bring your fingers together in a makeshift goosehead formation. Very lightly, begin to stroke his erection with your fingers, running them all over his sensitive shaft and balls. You may wish to slip the pocket of your goosehead handhold over the tip of his penis, letting it rest there for a few seconds.
About this time, the penis will probably start to emit its natural lubricant. Pre-seminal fluid is nature’s way of moistening the canal of the urethra so that the spermatozoa can swim more easily out of it; it also lubricates the head of the penis. An uncircumcised penis gathers up this lubricant within the foreskin and keeps the head very moist and slick. Use the juice to lubricate the shaft. Sometimes, its musky smell can be an aromatic aphrodisiac for you both. If there is little or no pre-cum, don’t be concerned. It is not a requirement, and it doesn’t always appear at exactly the same time.
In any case a good lubricant will work just as well. Add a drop of moisturizing lotion to the shaft and gently rub it in. Alexandra Penney, in her book, “How to Make Love to a Man”, is very keen on massaging the lotion between one’s hands before putting it on the penis because sometimes the cream is cold and the palm-rubbing warms it up.
If your partner doesn’t seem to have a very firm erection, try using a cinnamon-based ointment which you can find at your local sex novelty store or acquire through a mail catalog. The slight burning sensation often causes the penis to become rock-hard. Adding a little dab to the testicles also helps. If you really want to do a number on him, slip a dollop of Ben-Gay on his balls and watch him go through the roof.
Techniques
One of the secrets of great manual sex is varying your hand motions. Here are a few indispensable techniques:
SWITCH HITTER
Use both hands, alternating back and forth in a pattern you develop to offer him the most arousal. He will notice the difference. Don’t get into a routine where the strokes are dull, and noncommittal. Give it to him good. Get him to the point where he’s singing out, “I second that hand motion!”
DOUBLE WHAMMY
How about going double or nothing! Bring both well-lubricated hands down on his shaft. Some cocks are so big they require both hands. If your partner’s doesn’t, then use the other hand to caress and lightly flutter his balls, or tighten around the base of his shaft. If both hands fit along the length of the shaft, move then together, up and down, in the typical pumping motion. Pretend you’re holding a baseball bat and are about to score a grand slam. You can also vary the directions of your hands, one up, one down at the same time. There’s no doubt that two hands are better than one.
THE ANVIL STROKE
Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile you’re bringing your corresponding hand down to the top of the shaft, creating an alternating beating motion, hence the name “anvil stroke.” Think of those blacksmith duos who keep up a double beat pounding motion as they beat that rod of iron on a piping-hot anvil.
THE SHUTTLE COCK
Not many people have heard of the “shuttle cock,” but it’s one of the best. Take the penis in both hands, fingers lightly touching the sides of the shaft. In order to visualize the position, think of yourself holding a clarinet. Now flick the penis back and forth between your two hands by holding on to the loose skin of the shaft. Shuttling it back and forth in this manner may not seem incredibly thrilling to him at first, but pretty soon, as it builds up momentum, it will drive him out of his mind. Orgasms encountered via this method are sometimes messy, but always memorable.
THE BOOKENDS
Place both of your hands side by side against his shaft like a pair of bookends. Now push hard against his penis. Then lift your hands up and down. Continue in this manner for a while. The constant tugging of the skin around the balls and the mons pubis will do the trick.
THE FLAME
Place your hands down on either side, your fingers pointing away from the cock. Pretend you’re a campfire girl and start spinning his pecker like a stick of wood. This way you’ll keep the home fires burning for a long time to come.
THE BASE CLUTCH
Tighten your thumb and forefinger around the base of the shaft, pressing down on the balls. This will cut off the blood (acting as an impromptu cock ring) and help you steady the shaft in your hand. If the skin on it is slick and immutable, you can stroke the penis with more friction, thereby enhancing the excruciating experience.
THE LOVE TUG
As you are stroking him, lightly pull on the wispy strands of pubic hair sprouting from his testicles. Don’t pull so hard that you remove them, but tease them gently, lovingly. This will make him holler with delight and awe at your inventiveness.
THE TWO-TIMER
Tickle his balls with one hand while the other jerks him up and down.
THE THIGH-SWATTER
Use the hand that is currently unemployed to firmly but lovingly pat his inner thighs.
BEST FIST FORWARD
Place your fist against his perineum as you’re stroking him. He’ll probably start opening his legs a little wider, giving you more space to press against. Guaranteed to drive him wild.
THE MILKER
Opposite of the Anvil - Hands alternate ‘milking’ up the penis, starting at the base and working all the way up past the tip.
THE PERPETUAL PENETRATION
Like the Anvil, but rather than just grabbing the penis at the top, let his penis ‘penetrate’ into your fist on each stroke. Before the head of his penis pops out of your hand, bring the other hand up for the next penetration. This way it seems to him like he is penetrating deeper and deeper into an infinite vagina. Make sure you keep the penetration continuous for best results. Try faster or slower to taste.
THE PALM SWIRL
Use your open palm to swirl around the head, the way your tongue would lick an ice cream cone. This sensitizes the head, and will make it get larger and turn (even more) red. Try reversing direction for a surprise.
TINY CIRCLES
As in “The Palm Swirl”, use your open palm on his glans, but stop at each “hour of the clock”, and make circular motions with your open palm. This will make this part of the head EXTREMELY sensitive, so move to the next hour after a few circles.
THE RING
Make a ring with your thumb and forefinger, and pump up and down with this ring. When you get to the top, close the ring, then make him squeeze his way in as you slide back down to the bottom.
THE DOOR KNOB
Turn the head of his penis like a you’re trying to open a door knob coated with grease. It won’t turn, but he may flip. Now try turning the other way. Repeat.
THE SHAFT
Stroke only his shaft, ignoring the head. You will notice it swelling and turning red. When it’s bright red and rock hard, use the Door Knob, the Palm Swirl, or the Perpetual Penetration.
THE SPOT PINCH
Lightly and slowly run a finger up the under side of his cock. Ask him to tell you where the most sensitive spot is. Pinch it, squeeze it, nibble it, tease it. This is a good spot to pinch to turn a soft cock rock solid.
As always, it is the psychological impact of what you are doing that makes the sex so satisfying. Let your mind escape into the uncharted wilderness of fantasy. As a sexual pioneer, it is your manifest destiny to explore the outer limits of your sensuality.
Ohh wait this was about LAWN jobs
Umm, Ron…
Did you read the whole thing?
Oh, you didn’t know?
I’m actually the one who wrote that article.
OH.
Then I have to sincerely thank you. That article is the first thing I email to any girl who I consider dating. If they don’t read it I sever all ties immediately
:rofl
“Read this and sign your consent at the bottom, please and thank you.”
Pretty much. The please and thank you make me seem nice and concerned with politeness and her feelings
I noticed a bunch of spikes at the nursing home I deliver to today right where somebody did donuts on the lawn last week.
taking notes :excited:excited
THANKS RON!! :hug Paul will love me even more this week when he gets home!! 
rofl
to think i actually read through that looking for the mention of lawn. wow. Im scarred… but… educated.
ROFL srs…
So lawn jobs are super mature. I guess I won’t understand as I don’t give a shit about my lawn.