rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl
http://www.502streetscene.net/forum/showthread.php?t=147182
Having come from the hospital, I’ve seen/done pretty much everything that CAN be done at a workplace. I’ve been up to my elbows in poo, got into fisticuffs with men who lost their mind after surgery, dealt with all the nurses getting pissed at each other every 28 days, even people who injected crap into their own veins, etc…but THIS…THIS took the cake today boys and girls…
I go into the bathroom on my office floor today, I had some leftover chicken and dumplings for lunch, and it was making itself known that it needed room to process, and last night’s pizza was on the way out…to my dismay the handicap (larger) stall was occupied by someone in black shoes/blue pants. No big deal, I’ll take the smaller stall (the only other one).
I sit down, planning to outlast this guy so that I can really let’er rip once he’s gone, and since he has been deathly silent ever since I walked in, I figure well, he’s just taking a break and will be gone soon. After suffering for a couple minutes trying to be polite I let out a couple small, but respectful farts…you know, just enough to resound off the porcelain in a manner to let him know that I meant BUSINESS.
Finally he starts to make a little noise, like he’s shuffling around, and I hear him reach for the toilet paper…FINALLY.
Wrong…he sits there for a couple more minutes, and by now I’m getting annoyed and starting to fart more, and let it roll cause I’m tired of waiting. Then I see it…one…TWO THREE, FOUR little plops of thick fluid that HIT THE FLOOR OF THE BATHROOM IN FRONT OF HIM!!!.
At this point I’ve realized that THIS guy is masturbating in the stall NEXT TO ME, AT WORK, and just missed whatever type of “catch-all” he had constructed with the toilet paper that he pulled off just a few seconds before…again, he is doing this with DEAD silence. The only noise that had come from the stall was the little “plips” that came from the freaking semen hitting the floor, but with me trying not to be too rude, they could have been someone hitting the floor with an aluminum baseball flat the way they resounded…
So I’m sitting there in utter shock, with a turd about 1/2 way out…bottom, line, I’m stuck and have to wait and see what happens with this.
Slowly…and I mean SLOWLY this guy pulls more toilet paper and WIPES UP THE SEMEN OFF THE FLOOR IN ONE HUGE SWIPE…I’m about to lose my mind and blurt out “ah jeezus”…
Some people say the eyes are the window to the soul, well, in this case, it was this guys feet…after saying that, it was like something out of a cartoon, his feet started flying around like sonic the hedgehog as he gathers himself up, pulls up his pants, deposits the toilet paper in the toilet (with what had to be a seat splashing “BLOOP”) and then bolts out the stall door and the bathroom door WITHOUT WASHING HIS HANDS EVEN…and he also neglected to flush (thank God for auto flush)
I sat there in total awe…I quickly finished and quietly, and flat faced walked to my desk where I just typed this…
I had to tell someone.
