Went to the stall, made some killer noises inside my stomach (large intestine to be more exact). Knew this was gonna be pretty noisy.
Courtesy flushed because guy was in stall number 3 (of 4) and I was in 1. It made no difference, my farts / sharts were louder than thunder claps in a tropical storm in Florida. I felt ashamed.
There was plenty more where that came from, I attempted a second courtesy flush with the same ill effect. This time it sounded more like I was holding it in, so it sort of made a beat with my releases… kinda like a slower reggaeton beat, just one measure.
Since flushing didn’t seem to help at all, I tried a camo-cough. Due to the nature of “coughing” I ended up expelling the poop out of my butt with about 4x as much force which also turned up the volume three fold, and it literally sounded like I was trying to cover my cough with my shit/shart/fart.
The guy in the other stall (whom I later found out was my co-worker, lulz) didn’t say a freakin’ thing!
I walked out, in shame, but at least no one knew it was me.
PS. It is a well known fact that stall 1 has the weakest and quietest flush out of all the stalls. Stall 4 sucks the fucking asscrack hairs out of your crack. Stall 1 is like, a level 1 white water rafting trip.
Dood, my stomach is amazing. I poop on average 2.5 times a day. When I play basketball, it’s like, 3 times. I’m regular beyond fuck. I rarely piss out of my butt. It’s funny when I do though, and I piss while I’m pissing.
“YO DAWG, WE HEARD YOU LIKED TO PEE SO WE MADE YOU PEE OUT OF YOUR BUTT WHILE YOU WERE PEEING, SO YOU CAN PEE WHILE YOU PEE!!” /Body doing Xhibit impression
