This past sunday i had to attend church for my g/f’s younger sisters communion. Went out drinking the night before and my hangover wasn’t that bad until i was sitting in the hot church crammed into a pew. I never go to church so watching all the chanting was keeping me entertained until the preist walked around tossing water on people. It was shortly after that that the incredible urge to puke started coming. I stood from the pew in the middle of a energetic chant and briskly walked to the bathroom. As soon as i entered, the puke began flowing and when i was about 3 ft from the toilet it let loose, covering the floor, bowl, and tank of the toilet in puke and half digested pizza from my 3am snack the night before. So now that i’m puking, i feel the post-draft beer shits starting to come. So i spent 10 min switching between hovering over the bowl and unleashing hell from my ass and then bent over, pants around my ankles naked ass in the air puking into the bowl. Finally my puking stopped, i laid down about 4" thick of toilet paper and continued shitting. At this point a child and his father entered and the child remarked “what’s that smell?” the father responded with “someone is using the bathroom, shhhh” to which the child responded “it doesnt smell like poopie”. They finally left, i finished up and quickly left to return to the pew as if nothing happened. I feel like i should go to confession for defiling a church bathroom as much as i did that day.
[quote=“TgDn32,post:2,topic:28975"”]
Formatting > you.
[/quote]
+1
But still a fucking funny story.
[quote=“TgDn32,post:2,topic:28975"”]
Formatting > you.
[/quote]
better faggot?
This past sunday i had to attend church for my g/f’s younger sisters communion.
Went out drinking the night before and my hangover wasn’t that bad until i was sitting in the hot church crammed into a pew.
I never go to church so watching all the chanting was keeping me entertained until the preist walked around tossing water on people.
It was shortly after that that the incredible urge to puke started coming.
I stood from the pew in the middle of a energetic chant and briskly walked to the bathroom.
As soon as i entered, the puke began flowing and when i was about 3 ft from the toilet it let loose, covering the floor, bowl, and tank of the toilet in puke and half digested pizza from my 3am snack the night before.
So now that i’m puking, i feel the post-draft beer shits starting to come.
So i spent 10 min switching between hovering over the bowl and unleashing hell from my ass and then bent over, pants around my ankles naked ass in the air puking into the bowl.
Finally my puking stopped, i laid down about 4" thick of toilet paper and continued shitting.
At this point a child and his father entered and the child remarked “what’s that smell?” the father responded with “someone is using the bathroom, shhhh” to which the child responded “it doesnt smell like poopie”.
They finally left, i finished up and quickly left to return to the pew as if nothing happened.
I feel like i should go to confession for defiling a church bathroom as much as i did that day.
LOL.
Why the fuck would you post this?
I cant believe I actually wasted 30 seconds reading that.
-1392402398 for you
I was totally expecting you to puke on the priest
[quote=“vq30de,post:6,topic:28975"”]
Why the fuck would you post this?
I cant believe I actually wasted 30 seconds reading that.
-1392402398 for you
[/quote]
trying to waste 30min before i can leave work
Ive puked from drinking during church as well, not drinking in church but well you know
[quote=“87FOXGT,post:7,topic:28975"”]
would have been much better if you ripped it right in church :tspry:
[/quote]
Thats what i’m fucking saying!
[quote=“87FOXGT,post:7,topic:28975"”]
would have been much better if you ripped it right in church :tspry:
[/quote]
if i had waited 10 more sec before searching out the bathroom it wouldve been all over kids in their white communion clothing
[quote=“RedDawg,post:11,topic:28975"”]
if i had waited 10 more sec before searching out the bathroom it wouldve been all over kids in their white communion clothing
[/quote]
If that had happened, and you posted that story, I would have paypal’d you $10 for being awesome…
i’m pretty sure when i got hit with the holy water is what triggered it. The priest was walking down the aisle from the back of the church so i had no idea it was coming. All the sudden a splash of cold water hits me on the back of the neck and i jumped. I’m confident this triggered my vomit
[quote=“RedDawg,post:4,topic:28975"”]
better faggot?
This past sunday i had to attend church for my g/f’s younger sisters communion.
Went out drinking the night before and my hangover wasn’t that bad until i was sitting in the hot church crammed into a pew.
I never go to church so watching all the chanting was keeping me entertained until the preist walked around tossing water on people.
It was shortly after that that the incredible urge to puke started coming.
I stood from the pew in the middle of a energetic chant and briskly walked to the bathroom.
As soon as i entered, the puke began flowing and when i was about 3 ft from the toilet it let loose, covering the floor, bowl, and tank of the toilet in puke and half digested pizza from my 3am snack the night before.
So now that i’m puking, i feel the post-draft beer shits starting to come.
So i spent 10 min switching between hovering over the bowl and unleashing hell from my ass and then bent over, pants around my ankles naked ass in the air puking into the bowl.
Finally my puking stopped, i laid down about 4" thick of toilet paper and continued shitting.
At this point a child and his father entered and the child remarked “what’s that smell?” the father responded with “someone is using the bathroom, shhhh” to which the child responded “it doesnt smell like poopie”.
They finally left, i finished up and quickly left to return to the pew as if nothing happened.
I feel like i should go to confession for defiling a church bathroom as much as i did that day.
[/quote]
Woah on the rage tiger. It ain’t that serious.
Was it really that hard? I’m not going even attempt to read a wall of fucking text that some assclown wrote in a minute.
[quote=“newman,post:15,topic:28975"”]
i hate church.
religious people fucking suck.
[/quote]
i got them good for whoever has to clean that bathroom
[quote=“TgDn32,post:16,topic:28975"”]
Woah on the rage tiger. It ain’t that serious.
Was it really that hard? I’m not going even attempt to read a wall of fucking text that some assclown wrote in a minute.
[/quote]
sorry, started my 2nd cycle of roids monday, i’m a little on edge
[quote=“RedDawg,post:17,topic:28975"”]
i got them good for whoever has to clean that bathroom
[/quote]
lol. the janitor is probably an athiest.
but i am glad you released concentrated evil in god’s house. :tup: