Need some sincere advice

Shift518 Automotive Shift518 Off Topic
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A long read but please read it if you want to give advice.

Having troubles with the lady and although I know what I SHOULD do, it’s good to hear it from other people sometimes. Usually I am the one with the advice but I guess it’s different from the inside.

I’ve been with my girl for about 9 months. Almost a year. It has had its ups and downs but this morning was really a kick in the junk. In the beggining of the relationship I openly told her that for awhile I might have some trust issues because of the last whore I dated for 5 years. So I asked her upfront to just be honest with me and if you ever want to do something that I might question just talk to me about it first. As long as people are open with me and you don’t give me a reason to doubt you, I won’t.

So anyway, she started this job at Lowe’s and made some friends. One of them is this kid, Justin. Total toolbag but w/e. I have no problems with my g/f having friends that are guys but right off the bat he would text her a million times a day, call her, AIM, blah blah blah. So I basically told my girlfriend I wasn’t comfortable with how often he feels the need to talk to her. So she told him and it stopped for awhile. Well recently, he started talking to her again. I did tell her it was ok, as I had met him and had confidence he wouldn’t break my trust.

Well the other day I was staying at her place and turned on her laptop to check my emails. They had an open IM convo on the desktop. I DID NOT read it becuase im trying to build trust. Well, she came over and was like, oh, can you close my AIM for me. So i did. The next series of events is really what made me question this faggot.

It was 8AM and she had to be to work by 9AM. She lives 5 mintues from me so she told me should would bring me home on her way to work. Well for some reason she wanted to bring me home right then, before she even got ready. This was out of place to me and made me kind of curious. It felt like she was trying to hide something on her laptop. And being that her convo with Justin was just there, that is what I thought it was about. So, this morning she left for work, I told her I would head out after awhile, (a little hung over), so I opened her laptop to check my emails, and the convo was up again. So I read it. Apparently this fucker has been talking to her, not like a friend, but like a girl he wants his dick in. Then half way down, I read the part that fucking pissed me off. They were trying to make plans to hang out around my schedule so that I wouldn’t know. There was nothing in the convo that made me think it had to do with cheating on me or not. Regardless, she lied to me. I asked her if he ever hit on her or asked to hang out and she looked right in my face and said no. What bothers me is that if they really are friends, why keep it secret from me? So I got up, went right into where she was working. I let her have it and told her basically that she is completely donet alking to the fuck and that we need to have a long convo when she gets home.

So I need to know what to do. Now my trust issues are going to be double fold with her, ill question everything she does now. It kills me that she lied to me, in a relationship its a huge deal. I have not once lied to her. And if I see Justin, I might beat him pretty badly. In MOST cases she would be gone as of right now, but there is something different about her I love. Maybe because shes the first girl that isn’t a clinger and we have a lot of fun when we are together. Irregardless I know what I should do, but should I?

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1 dont beat up the kid for it

2 goin to her work blowin up was a bad idea IMO

but i totally feel for you on the whole shit bro… thats fuckin whack and sucks ALOT

the best thing to do is be calm and cool about it man and just be straight up with her and let her know what u think but without flipping out and throwing in a bunch of bs words that are not needed

IMO 90% of the time u flip out on a chick or act like an asshole its nearly NEVER worth it or was a good idea in the first place… i always act like the shit dont bother me, even tho its 100% their fault etc

i would just say let her know that if she wants to hang out with the kid then its whatever, so be it, but if a serious relationship is what was supposed to be then it cant be no more, i mean it sucks cuz if your feelin this girl and u want to be with her then its alot easier to say some shit coming from someone who isnt in your shoes… but it takes two and if one isnt honest then it wont work…

oh ya and another thing is like i never thought it was cool to tell a chick what she can or cant do, cuz then thats like telling a kid not to specifically NOT go and do something, cuz then the damn kid is purposely going to try and do it just to spite u… plus it just seems to controlling and a bit lame

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sorry to hear…

I can relate to you…I dated a girl for almost 6 years, in the mean time of that relationship, there was a shit load of trust issue’s because I caught her fooling around with my good friend behind my back and shit…so I had major trust issues as well…however with Jennie, they are completly gone…

Now, your whole situation with her trying to hangout with this dude behind your back is just sketchy, and her lieing about it makes it THAT much worse…

Its sad to say but since I can relate, I think you know what your SHOULD do…maybe its not what you want to do, but if this stuff is already starting and you havent been dating for a year yet, things are only bound to get worse…you cant change the way a person is…

do you know anything about her previous relationships?? Has she cheated on her boyfriends before or what not??

The dude sounds sketchy as all hell and it seems like its obvious to him that he doesnt care if she has a boyfriend or not, he still wants it and since they work together it makes it that much worse.

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and i just gotta say, to keep it real that you can’t knock the kid 100% cuz most guys who are feelin a girl and want them, really are not gonna back off because of some boyfriend… we all been there and most girls arent single when we meet them anyways, so its a common thing to work around the boyfriend deal …

its more about her and if she gives in to what hes doin then its really not something u can just go to him about and beat his ass over, cuz then there is gonna be the next guy etc… if the chick is good and REALLY wants to be with you only then u wont have to worry about no one pullin her

and i mean that also goes with like… if your doin her good like treatin her well and bein a man that u gotta be she shouldnt have to leave you, unless shes not tryin to be in a relationship, still is immature and cant sit still etc

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Ok let me reiterate. I didn’t blow up on her at work. I just went in and quietly told her how I feel about it. Ether way I got my point across.

And I don’t ever TELL her what to do. I tell her how it would make me feel, if she did do it. It’s up to her at that point. Same with this, until I saw that convo. Now she is not going to talk to him if she values this relationship. I like to think we have a serious thing going on. We have even talked about an apartment in the fall. And IMO there is no room for a guy like that in her life, if she wants to be with me. But again, its up to her.

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At this point anything she has told me I have to take with a grain of salt. I hate that. But she told me she hasn’t. …

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yea man, maybe the way my post started out was a bit harsh…

if u just went to her work and told her without blowin up then good stuff, i just pictured in my mind that u were blowin up since u said u let her have it, yano?

dont get me wrong man i totally feel u on this whole thing, all im sayin is like being calm and cool just seems to be a better idea at the end of the day etc

im sure u got ur head on ur shoulders and u know all that shit already anyways, i was just sayin it for the hell of it cuz u never know…

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Shift518 is a great place to deal with your personal problems.

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fuck yea this is a the universal whatever u wanna forum man

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Actually, this is the off-topic thread. So yea, you can post whatever you want. If someone dosen’t like it don’t fucking read it.

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Thanks for your valuable input.

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Sorry to hear that man, I hate dealing with issues of trust. Girls lie to me all the time and blow me off, fucking annoying as hell. I mean if you don’t want to hang out with me, just straight up tell me… Ill be fine with it.

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thats america bro… fuckin beautiful :Idiots

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To be blunt, where there is smoke there is usually fire. But you can’t hate on Justin too much for what he’s done. It’s not like he was your friend. For the same reasons you fell for your girlfriend is probalby the same reasons other people are attracted to her. The emails might not say what they want to do when they schedule their meetings around your schedule, but if it was on the level she would have told you especially if she cares about you and know about your trust issue.

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i agree ^

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He’s right.

Justin isn’t to blame for this, it takes two people to make plans for two people…

She was fully aware of what she was doing the entire time, and the fact that the situation even got as far as it did makes me wonder.

Honestly, what I would do is the classic proverb.

If you love it let it go, if it comes back there you go, if it doesn’t it wasn’t mean to be.

Break it up with her, but not in a completely Iron Curtain kind of way, but rather under certain terms.

Tell her something along the lines of this “While situations like this are going on, I do not want to be a part of this relationship, let me know once you figure it out”. And stop talking to her and stop caring. Go out drinking and such. If she calls back and tells you that she will be good and will stop being in contact with him in this way, now it’s her own damn promise that she has to keep, that she came up with herself, out of her own will. That usually means something.

If she never calls back, it wasn’t mean to be, and just be glad it happened now, instead of later.

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Tough man, IMO you should get out of it while you can. Your never going to trust her again, its ruined. Your always going to question where she is, who shes with and when she tells her, your not going to believe her. Shes a liar, like the rest of them. …This is the advice from a man thats been married for almost 10 years…im probably not the best guy to give advice lol

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i never put trust in girls… the last 3 ive been with have all cheated on me it isnt worth the pain and suffering anymore dude, if u seem to think shes cheating on u then she is,expesually if shes talking to another guy at work

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Doesnt get any more true then that…+1111. I agree with you 110%

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Adam, your troubles will go away when were on the boat catching Muskies.