Thread, be more funny!
Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.
The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks.”
The second said, “You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don’t even have insurance!”
The third proclaimed, “Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!”
The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, “Listen girls, I don’t think you understand. Chunks is my dog.”
guy walks into a bar with a monkey. While he’s drinking, the monkey walks over to the pool table, and eats the cue ball.
The bartender says to the guy, “What’s wrong with your monkey? He just ate one of the pool balls!”
The guy replies, “I can’t help it. He eats anything and everything, and there doesn’t seem to be a thing I can do to stop it.” He picks up the monkey, and leaves.
A few days later, the man and him monkey are back at the bar. This time, the monkey sits down at the bar, grabs a peanut from a dish, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it back out and eats it.
The bartender exclaims, “What the hell is up with that monkey!?”
The guy answers, “He still eats everything, but after the cue ball , he checks to make sure it will fit before he eats it.”
Three guys walk into a bar, the first one drives a Boxster, the second a Cayenne and the third drives a Porsche.
How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says “Look, I’ve got a crack”
“No good telling me” replies the male egg “I’m not hard yet”
Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry
two tomato’s were put into a microwave, one tomato turns to the other and says “man, it’s getting hot in here”
the other tomato stares at the other tomato, and screams “OMG A TALKING TOMATO!!”
So there was a lizard just swimming down a river, and he sees a monkey chilling on a branch of a tree smoking a joint. He thinks to himself that this is a pretty strange sight so he decides to check it out. He climbs up the tree and sits next to the monkey,
“yo, what are you doing?”
the monkey looks at him, high off his ass,
“chillin”
and he passes the joint to the lizard. The lizard looks at the jay, shrugs and decides to take some tokes. After awhile, both the lizard and the monkey are stupidly high. The lizard turns to the monkey,
“yo, i got cotton mouth, you have any water?”
monkey points towards the river down below.
The lizard looks down, and tries to reach the river by hanging off the branch, but he looses his grip and falls in. Just then, an alligator was coming down the river and sees the monkey in the tree smoking the joint, and thinks to himself
“that’s a strange sight you dont see everyday”
so he decides to check it out. When he climbs up the branch and sits next to the monkey,
the monkey turns around and screams
“HOLY FUCK! HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK!?”
ROFL:cheers:
“Drilled brake calipers mint for high speed braking”
From a FS thread on SON 
I gotta call
I gotta call :bsflag.
Link to thread or GTFO
Link to thread or GTFO…lol
^
http://son240sx.org/forums/showthread.php?t=36086
I nevar lie 
:worf:
what do you call a deer with know eyes?
I have no eye(I) deer…
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn’t take shit from anybody
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not.
Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer
The Dept Of Defense Briefed The President This Morning. They Told Bush That 2 Brazilian Soldiers Were Killed In Iraq.
To Everyone’s Surprise, All The Color Drained From Bush’s Face, Then He Collapsed Onto His Desk, Head In His Hands, Visibly Shaken, Almost In Tears.
Finally He Composed Himself And Asked, “just How Many Is A Brazilian?”
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a quart of orange juice, a half gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a head of Romaine lettuce, a 2 lb can of coffee and 1 lb of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the
cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
“You must be single.”
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued
by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt but saw nothing particularly
unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her
marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, “Well, you know what?
You’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”
The drunk replied,"’ Cause you’re ugly."
lol ^^
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends very late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
‘What’s with the big brass gong?’ one of the friends asked.
‘It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,’ the drunk slurred in response.
‘A talking clock? Seriously?’ asked his astonished friend. ‘How’s it work?’
‘Watch,’ the drunk replied. He stumbled across the room, picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood in silence, looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, ‘You *******… it’s three-fifteen in the morning!!’
I saw that one coming…
Here is Grandma’s recent letter. She is eighty-eight years old and
still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Granddaughter:
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw
a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly
sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance
followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So I bought the sticker and put
it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did. What an uplifting experience
that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that the
light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because
if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed. I found that lots of people
love Jesus ! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking
like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the
love of God ! Go ! Go ! Go ! Jesus Christ, GO ! What an exuberant
cheerleader he was for Jesus ! Everyone started honking ! I just leaned
out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love !
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I
heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle
finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the
back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck
sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I
leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My
grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious
experience !!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment
that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet
they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I
noticed the light had changed. So I waved at all my brothers and
sisters, grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that
I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light
changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the
love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and
gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks !!! I will write again
soon.
Love, Grandmacool