family guy
if I would have known the bitch was gonna divorce me, i would have made her come do 50% of my work.
/\ lol
Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
“Don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never get out alive.”
Thats the worst quote ever.
“think inside the box”
“eat out every night”
You’re the worst quote ever. And you obviously take life too seriously.
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
No question asked … may be a little long for a quote but still the best
CAPT. KOONS Hello, little man. Boy I sure heard a bunch about you. See, I was a good friend of your Daddy’s. We were in that Hanoi pit of hell over five years together. Hopefully, you’ll never have to experience this yourself, but when two men are in a situation like me and your Daddy were, for as long as we were, you take on certain responsibilities of the other. If it had been me who had not made it, Major Coolidge would be talkin’ right now to my son Jim. But the way it worked out is I’m talkin’ to you, Butch. I got somethin’ for ya.
The Captain pulls a gold wrist watch out of his pocket.
CAPT. KOONS This watch I got here was first purchased by your great-granddaddy. It was bought during the First World War in a little general store in Knoxville, Tennessee. It was bought by private Doughboy Ernie Coolidge the day he set sail for Paris. It was your great-granddaddy’s war watch, made by the first company to ever make wrist watches. You see, up until then, people just carried pocket watches. Your great-granddaddy wore that watch every day he was in the war. Then when he had done his duty, he went home to your great- grandmother, took the watch off his wrist and put it in an ol’ coffee can. And in that can it stayed ‘til your grandfather Dane Coolidge was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Germans once again. This time they called it World War Two. Your great-granddaddy gave it to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Dane’s luck wasn’t as good as his old man’s. Your granddad was a Marine and he was killed with all the other Marines at the battle of Wake Island. Your granddad was facing death and he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leavin’ that island alive. So three days before the Japanese took the island, your 22-year old grandfather asked a gunner on an Air Force transport named Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he had never seen in the flesh, his gold watch. Three days later, your grandfather was dead. But Winocki kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant father, his Dad’s gold watch. This watch. This watch was on your Daddy’s wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured and put in a Vietnamese prison camp. Now he knew if the gooks ever saw the watch it’d be confiscated. The way your Daddy looked at it, that watch was your birthright. And he’d be damned if and slopeheads were gonna put their greasy yella hands on his boy’s birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide somethin’. His ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid with uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.
from top gun…
“hes dangerous…he flies by the seat of his pants” -jester
“yea…but if you went to war…would you want him with ya?” -viper
“idk…i just dont know” -jester
you can only get aids once
“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.”
- Seneca the Younger 4 b.c.- 65 a.d
“A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you the less you know.”
-Diane Arbus
“What we do during our working hours determines what we have; what we do in our leisure hours determines what we are.”
-George Eastman
And also George Eastman’s suicide note…
“To my Friends, My work is done. Why wait?”
“Im going to do my part, with Chinese-American relations. Chinese-American relations, have never been better than this.”
-Lexington Steele
Life…like the internets…is srs bsns!
rofl
Reggie Dunlop: Hey Hanrahan! Hanrahan! Hanrahan - Suzanne sucks pussy! Hey Hanrahan she’s a dyke! I know, I know! She’s a lesbian, a lesbian, a lesbian!
------Slap Shot
Doc: He left my his c-c-c… He left me his c-c-c… Oh, he fucking gave me this. Fuck! Ass!
-----Boondock Saints
Luke: Well, yeah it dosen’t really allow my dice to roll and by dice I mean testicles. Speaking of testicles, let me get a beer.
----Out Cold
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Ferris Bueller (original?) and Gravediggaz (sampled)
“It’s for you, I think it’s the devil.”
“I’m way to stoned to drive to the devils house.”
“How much do clothes cost in the matrix?”