Dearest NYspeed,
It has recently come to my attention that Cheeks, a Pittspeed member, has been causing a ruckus. Before you jump to any conclusions and pass judgment on us as a whole, there are a few things you should know…
Cheeks is not heterosexual. Nor is he homosexual (technically, although he has admitted to “experimenting”). Cheeks is in love with tits. Now, you might be thinking to yourself, “But Darkstar, I love tits too!” Of course. We all do, but Cheeks is in love with his OWN tits. If I had a dollar for every time I caught him off in the woods at a show or track, fully nude, his bitchtits fully lathered with bacon grease, bending over and wrestling with what looks like a pale tube of chapstick, I would have just enough money for the lobotomy I’ve been dreaming of to remove those images from my head.
Mind you, if you saw these tits hanging off of anything other than wider-than-he-is-tall troglodyte, they might be epic. As you may suspect, this has caused Mr. Cheeks a fair amount of ribbing. This causes him to lash out with ridiculous forum posts. So please, don’t lump us all in with that fucking Martian.
That being said, your shit is weak. Pittsburgh ownz you. I expect cards from all of you bitches on June 19th next year.
Sincerely,
Darkstar
