OK…this is an oldy…Rude…And you’ve gotta have COCONUTS to pull it off…
You also need to WAIT for the perfect time to pull it!Get on an elevator…If your lucky, only you, and a COMPLETE STRANGER, young, attractive woman will get on at the same time…Or she might come on at a floor you had not planned on stopping.
When the doors close, it gets quiet, and it’s just you and her…look at her sincerely and say…
“You know, Pardon me, but…you are the most beautiful Pregnant woman I have ever seen”.
She will most likely become totally indignant…and say…“I Am NOT Pregnant!”
Thats when you say…“Well…your not off the elevator YET”.
If you do this…I’m not going to bail your butt out of jail…but rest assured…you will be a legend
more:
- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, all of you just shut UP!”
- Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
- Crack open your briefcase or purse and, while peering inside, ask: “Got enough air in there?”
- Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
- When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
- Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
- Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, then announce: “I’ve got new socks on!”. Meow occasionally.
- Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
- Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
- Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce, “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
- Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
- When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, “Is that your beeper?”
- Say “Ding!” at each floor.
- Say “I wonder what all these do” and push the red buttons.
- Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
- Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
- Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
- Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
In my younger days, we used to have a LOT of fun in elevators. I lost several girlfriends in elevators! Perhaps it had something to do with saying something to the effect of “I still think we should decide on the price before we get to the room” when there were other people on the elevator with us!
My all time favorite was this though. We would be on the elevator, and someone else would get on. As the doors closed, I’d talk like I was continuing with a conversation we had already started. “So anyway, there she was, in the middle of the floor, in a pool of blood, with a knife in her back! I mean, what could I do, if I took off, somebody would see me, and if I called the cops, they’d probably blame me. I was stuck” At this point, my accomplice would mutter something about my being right, and hopefully, the elevator was near where we were getting off. One time one of the other passengers even asked if that was the one that was in the newspaper. Obviously it wasn’t, so I simply said that this one wasn’t made public. We had many a laugh over those.