- open the door and lock behind me.
- put a ring of TP down on the seat, multi layered if deemed necessary.
- turn around facing door (no need to slater the toilet)
- pull down pants
- sit down carefully to not shift the TP, hopefully preventing any bare ass touch to the seat
- Pinch loaf with loud grunts
- stand up and wipe til ass is clean
- pull up pants
- push TP into the toilet that was used as a ring
10 ) flush and leave
maybe I’m missing the point of the OP. I have no shame and no stage fright I could shit on stage if I had to go