I got one…kinda long, but i though it was freaking funny. Hang with it.
A priest comes back to his monestary after catching a giant fish in a nearby pond to prepare for dinner for a special visit from the pope. The priest takes the fish to one of his monks to have it cleaned and prepared to be cooked… the monk looks at the fish and says, “my father… that son-of-a-bitch is huge!”
The preist scorns the monk for using the foul language, them being men of the cloth. The monk replys “no father, the actual name of that species of fish is called the sonofabitch-fish”.
The priest nods and they clean it and take it to a nun to have it cooked for the pope. The nun says, “my father…that fish is huge!” The priest replies, “yes sister…it is a big sonofabitch!” The nun stares at him in disbeilief that he would use such vulgar language. The preist sees her discern and says, “you dont understand sister, the actual name of this type is called, the sonofabitch-fish” she nods her head and cooks it.
Later that day, the pope arrives and sits down to dinner. Looks at the gigantic fish in on the table and says… my that is one large fish!
The priest says, “yes, i caught the son of a bitch”, the monk says, “hey I cleaned the son of a bitch” and the nun chimes in " and I cooked the son of a bitch!"
The pope looks around the room in disbelief for a few seconds and then grins and says… “you motherfuckers are alright”
A young woman visits the doctor for a breast examination. When he sees her he is surprised to see an ‘O’-shaped mark on her chest. ‘Oh’, she explains. ‘That’s from my boyfriend’s Oxford University jumper. He likes to wear it when we have sex and the crest rubs against my skin.’ A couple of weeks later, another girl is in for a breast examination. She whips her top off, and there is a ‘C’ in the middle of her chest. The doctor raises an eyebrow while the girl explains that her lover likes to wear his Cambridge University jumper during sex. Weeks later, a third girl comes in for an examination and she has a ‘W’ on her chest. ‘Ah!’ cries the doctor. ‘Let me guess, you have a boyfriend at Warwick?’ ‘No,‘ smiles the girl. ‘I’ve got a girlfriend at Manchester.’
A junior high aged kid is going to his first boy-girl party one friday nite. His parents wait up and he comes home late really excited. he steps in the back door and his mom is in the kitchen doing dishes waiting for him.
“Where have you been this late???” she questions…
“Mom, you won’t believe it. I had so much fun at the party, I even got laid!”
The mom is shocked, she doesn’t know what to say except “I’m so disappointed in you, go talk to your father.” So the kid is kinda confused and he goes in to tell his dad.
“Where you been all nite?”
“At the party dad… guess what… I got laid”
The dad jumps up… “Congratulations son… geez, I didn’t get laid till i was 18 and here you are gettin tail at 12. Wow!!! Hey, you know that bike you’ve been buggin me for? Well, i was gonna wait till your birthday, but we have to celebrate. let’s go pick one up right now”
“no dad, i really don’t want to” says the boy
“oh come on, don’t be modest, let’s go get that bike” quips dad
“no dad, i really don’t want to go buy a bike right now” says the kid
“why not?” says dad
“cause my ass is still really REALLY sore from gettin laid”
there is this bar that has this game called fart football and in the game you guzzle a beer burp real loud (6 points)… pull down your pants and fart (extra point) so this 400 lb guys rules the game… one day a skinny little dude walks in and chalanges the fat guy to a game… the skinny guy goes first… guzzels his beer burps real loud pulls down his pants and farts…7points he yells the fat guzzles his beer burps real loud pulls down his pants… the skinny fucks him in the ass and yells point blocked i win
