Not sure if this is a repost, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! :fyi:
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed accordingly to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn how to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Toilet Use
Entireley too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, the stall door will be open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category. Anyone caught smilling will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they nees to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a slim fast.
Personal Days
Each employee is entitled to receive only 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
:lol:
Thats great…