A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy
Land.
While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker
told them, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can
bury
her here in the Holy Land for $150.00.”
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped
home.
The undertaker asked, “Why?” Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your
mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to spend only
$150.00?"
The man said, “A man died here 2000 years ago, he was buried here
and
three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that
chance.”
[hijack]
A child molester is walking with a kid deep into the woods in the middle of the night. The kid looks up and says, “Wow its dark, I’m sacred”. The molester looks at the kid and says, “You’re scared… I gotta walk back by myself!”
[/hijack]
Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they’ve forgotten a bottle opener. The first turtle turns to the second and says, “You’ve gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer.”
“No way,” says the second. “By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food.”
“I promise I won’t,” says the turtle. “Just hurry!”
Nine full days pass and there’s still no sign of the second turtle. Exasperated and starving, the first turtle digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, the second turtle pops out from behind a rock and yells, “I knew it! I’m not fucking going!”
