This was a letter sent into the local comedy new rag The Beast. It demonstrates why the rules of the modern English are important for getting your point across. It is nicely translated by the editors in their response. There actually is some good content here.
Dear Beast:
when i tried to hold his spokesman accountable in the media,for a running from motorcycle accident,on 10/15/2005,he got off with disorderly conduct,da clark said that he did not think that the plea was inappropreate,well i bet if it was him who got hit it would have been a totaly different out come.These people in power think that they are above the LAW.After i found out what they did and contacted channel 2 news,they did almost there whole news cast on it on,02/28/2006,BROWN STATED THAT THE FACT THIS IS COMING OUT NOW,DISCREDITS ARE LEGAL SYSTEM AND WHO THE F— ARE THEY KIDDING,THEY ARE THE ONE’S WHO DISCREDIT THE LEGAL SYSTEM.IT SEEMS THAT ONLY THE POLITICALLY CONNECTED OR THE WEALTHY,CAN GAT OFF OF ANYTHING THEY CHOOSE AND THE LITTLE GUY GETS SCREWED! COME ON THAT WAS A PRANK/JOKE ,CHILL OUT AND GET SENSE OF HUMOR. HIS SPOKESMAN BECAUSE OF WHO HE IS AND WHO HE KNOWS WALKED AWAY FROM A D.W.I. AND A HIT-N-RUN/INJURYS.I’M THE THE ONE HE HIT AND HAVE HAD TO HAVE NECK SURGERY AND NOW HAVE A PLATE AND SCREWS IN MY NECK THANKS TO HIS NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN,AND LOOKING AT BACK SURGERY NEXT,AND CLARK THINKS THAT THE PLEA WAS FINE,THAT’S ARE LEGAL SYSTEM,THAT DISCREDITS THE LEGAL SYSTEM,BUT IT WILL ALL COME OUT IN THE TRIAL,FACTS OF WHAT HAPPEN THAT NIGHT AND WHO’S TELLING THE TRUTH!!!
keith a borders
Dear Keith,
We know that the communications director for both our current mayor as well as former mayor Masiello, Peter Cutler, most likely after a night getting pounded on Chippewa, rear-ended your motorcycle with his car on West Tupper and Delaware. We also know he tore off down Delaware, blasting over the curb as he swerved down Edwards, knocking over a bus stop sign, damaging his engine and triggering his airbag as he sped down the sidewalk for a block or so. We know that you gave chase, following Cutler down Elmwood, Bryant and Richmond, where you asked a cop for help to no avail. We know that, although Cutler claims he was scared of you, he made no effort to draw the attention of police at either of the apparent crime scenes the both of you passed, nor did he call 911 as you did. We know that Cutler’s now-smoking car seized up at Massachusetts and Winter, where he abandoned it and ran four blocks to Breckenridge, where he fled police and hid under a car behind a house. We know he wasn’t breathalyzed. We know he received reduced charges and a sentence of “time served” from judge Patrick M. Carney three days later, although it’s not clear he spent any time at all in jail, in a very unusual plea deal with the DA’s office. We know DA Frank Clark claims the deal was a mistake made by an unnamed wet-behind-the-ears prosecutor who no longer works for the DA. We also know Frank Clark is a fucking joke.
We think you’re a tough mofo for chasing Cutler across town after he hit you, and we think the whole sordid story is disgusting, the kind of thing that makes you just hate everyone in our astoundingly unethical government. That’s why we hope you’ll listen to our advice: if you want people to take you seriously, and not to dismiss you as some crazy crank, you’ve got to lay off the caps lock key. You sound stupid, inarticulate and insane. If we hadn’t already heard about your story, we’d have pegged you as just another delusional paranoid with an unbelievable story of imagined persecution. Speak softly, Keith, and let the truth be your hammer. And try the spell-checking tool. Good luck.