Im kinda at a loss of everything including words at the moment.
Im not here to cry for attention, just feeling the “human” feelings common with death.
The purpose of the post is to clear my mind and ask a question, can any of you think back to a percentage of friends/family/whatever, whom died Naturally (sickness, ailment, etc…) vs. tragically, (automobile accident, suicide, etc…)
Cause after yesterday i realize i am watching some of my best friends, favorite acquaintances, and loved ones die at about a 2% natural, vs 98% tragic.
Its like im here working the hive, and everybody closest to me are out getting smashed while collecting pollen.
I guess in reality there is no Natural cause of death, and we are all here with only one sure outcome of our existence, although in my opinion (Which i pretty much consider myself an expert so ill call it my “Hypothesis”) death by way of sickness, although tragic, has a different type of mourning after watching that loved one or friend lie in a state of sickness for an extended period of time, knowing full well that keeping those machines connected was only a selfish remedy, a humanistic type of rebelling against the inevitable, and once allowed to rest would put ease to that body.
vs.
Being 9 and Having mom pull you, and you sister aside and explain to you there had been an accident with daddy, or
Getting the phone call concerning a friend that fought his demons, then committed suicide, or
Another who fell victim to a poorly placed jack stand while working on one of many things he loved.
The text message at 10am telling you that a very close friend had crashed, You get the point, no use in going threw them all.
Last night i had to sit my 3 and 4 year old down and explain that mommy and daddy’s friend, our backyard drinking buddy, had died, you would think at 3 & 4 they wouldn’t understand it much, but ill tell you, i seen those eyes, and they knew exactly what it meant. His death is very tragic to them, he was their buddy “Brian boy”, like an uncle they seen everyday. The first thing out of my oldest mouth was, “now Ashley doesn’t have a daddy?” in a whimper, probably the saddest moment of my life, i hope i never i have to break the “death news” to them again until they are about 18.
I didnt sleep much last night, i just kept talking to my friend, there was no escaping that, i tried everything to just sleep. im sitting here typing away thinking it will make it easier for me, but its really not making any positive difference, so i guess i will conclude the rant with the following thoughts.
Funny how no matter how old or tough you are, clean cut or biker, male or female. Death just hurts. no way around it.
Rest in Peace, my backyard drinking buddy Brian, our Fire nights, and “8 Mile” will never be the same. My Family will miss you forever, and we will never forget you, or all that you did for us, the times you were there for us, and the way you impacted, and influenced the lives and minds of my boys, Im glad we got to see you Monday, it was almost like we got a chance to say good bye. I promise to pay you back for being there for my boys when i wasn’t able to, I will do everything i can to be there for Ashley, and her mom, and until we meet again, “Take it easy DOG!” haha that was your favorite line.
Rest in piece my friend.
