So, just recently I had a laptop removed/stolen from my vehicle (some asshole (me) left it unlocked one night) by an unknown individual sometime between the 21st and 23rd of last month. Unfortunately for me I never use the thing and never knew it was missing up until about 2 weeks ago when I noticed it had started sending me reports back to my email that I don’t use so often. Hmmmmm. Why the fuck is my key/web logging software sending me info back…:dunno
I was like OK, so maybe I loaned it out or something or the wife was using it for whatever reason. Then I looked through the information it was sending back and realized I didn’t know and 16 year old black kids named Malik Butler I’d like to lend my laptop to…
:haha
GOTCHA YOU LITTLE BASTARD!
At that point I realized I had my shit stolen. So this kid, being the dumb shit that he was, logs in to the only non-password protected user name on there and decided to give me his Facebook login, gmail login, and xbox live login information with passwords. ZOMG, I HEART key logging and browsing tracking software! :ahh The info i got showed the little shit had been using it for 2 weeks just the way it was! Thanks for turning yourself in!
At this point I called up the police department and filed a report because I was about to light this kid up for stealing my laptop! Cop gets there files the report, tells us it’s unikely we’ll get the thing back, yadda yadda yadda… Awesome, cops have this kids name and his pictures from Facebook, this should be quick. SO a couple days pass and we still don’t have a detective assigned, the wife and I are pissed because we fucking told them who has the laptop! Now between the time we had filed the report and the time we spent waiting, the laptop had not been back on for almost 5 or 6 days! I was sweatin’ like a pedophile at a Bieber concert. I’m thinking someone wised up and wiped the computer or hacked the admin login at this point. FAWK! :banghead
Just nearly 3.5 weeks now and we get a break, still waiting for a detective mind you. The computer came back up! FUCK YEAH! But wait… this isn’t the same little fag from before… and WTF is Mocospace… Oh excellent, a new person… who also gave me all of their account information because they’re dumb as fuck too. This time we got their Mocospace login, eBay login, and yahoo mail login. Awesome, let’s look into this fucker’s life. Jump on all of his accounts, grab his address out of eBay, look at this Giant Douche’s profile, and read his email. Awesome, let’s look up Robert Chaires(aka schenectadywonderboy).
:rofl
.
OH, HAI ASSHOLE!
According to his information, this asshole lives 3, count 'em, 3 streets over… wait for it… next to the fucking elementary school! OK, someone needs to get on this shit NAO! I can only hope that this guy wasn’t using it at his friends house or something. On the horn with the police again for the 30th time in 2 days we snatch up someone who wants to help finally. We fax over this guys name, his address, and all the other info we had on him and the next day we finally get a call from the detective. First thing out of his mouth after he verified who he was talking to is “Do you want a job?” :crackup We talked and apparently this masterpiece of a model american is on parole for something. The detective wants to hang back until we get hold of his PO to see if he is still living at the address we had already because we were all about to march down there and fuck him up, lol.
We wait a few more days, and once again, I was shitting my pants because this computer had now been offline for almost 6 days now. OK well, I guess we lost it. I haven’t been updated since the weekend and I haven’t seen any new activity. We get a call last night from the detective and he finally went over there to the guys house and got our laptop back! HOLY DOGSHIT! :wow So the detective tells us he goes over and marches into this dudes house, verifies that he’s found our laptop, throws this jackass in cuffs and brings him down for questioning.
I cannot stress how important it was that we got this done when we did because this guy was in the process of moving out! ZOMGWTFBBQ, we would have never seen that thing again if he made it!
PROPS TO OUR DETECTIVE FOR KEEPING ON THIS ONE!
I’ll get back with everyone tonight to see how well our laptop fared after 4 weeks away from home! Also, we’ll see if the kid get his share of the blame too. I’ll be sure to post any pics from the laptop and the shit they were doing on it :rofl
BTW: here is some excellent FREE desktop/laptop and device tracking software. This will be on ALL of my computers now. I am also pitching this to the company I work for because EVERYONE has laptops.
http://preyproject.com/
Moral of the story:
