Dewey is this fine little edgey bubble that has been dwelling in my driveway for a little over a week. Every morning when I leave…there is Dewey looking miserable and confused…every afternoon when I come home he is still there.
Dewey doesnt belong to me, Dewey shouldnt belong to anyone as I would guess he is unfit for travel.
In fact, Dewey tried to commit suicide just to get away from his mean owner that never does anything beyond budget and poorly thought out DIY repairs.
Now he sits in my driveway just begging to go the car heaven and I want to make this happen. The timing for this couldnt be more right because its Deweys owners birthday this weekend and I want to throw a big big party in his honor and give Dewey the send off he deserves.
So if Dewey is not rescued by his owner by this Friday I will be forced to euthanize him the only way I know how…
Violently and Loudly.
$1.00 Will get you a punch with your hand
$2.00 Will get you a regular hammer swing
$3.00 Will get you a brick to throw at it
$4.00 Will get you a cinder block to throw at it
$5.00 Will get you a boat anchor chain to whip at it
$20.00 Will get you a match and some lighter fluid
$50.00 Will get you 5 Sledge Hammer Swings
$100.00 Will get you a tow rope and you can drag it into stuff
$200.00 Will get you a gallon of gas and 1 match
I give you…
Dewey
I give you his cheap ass more concerned about making sure everyone on myspace, facebook, and text messager knows its his birthday this weekend…
All proceeds will go to the Andy Watt’s A Fucking Bag and is Turning 23!!!OMG2111111!!! Foundation.
Happy B-day Buddy :present:
Its on my property