At my company we always have leftover food from lunch meetings or various vendors and such… so today, there was this huge variety plate of wraps and sandwiches. I noticed a kobe beef shortrib sandwich with carmelized onions.
Yuuuummm
Next to this huge platter was supposedly the best chili in NYC, but smothered in cheddar cheese, and on a baked spud.
So I try a little bit of the chili and cheese on a spud and have some kobe sandwich.
MMmmm.
Here I am, 35 minutes later, dropping the worst bombs I have ever dropped in my LIFE. I have 2 sheets of bounce dryer sheets stuffed in my boxer briefs and they (my farts, not my boxers - although I’m sure they aren’t smelling like fresh roses either) still smell rancid. [I learned that trick from one of my pothead friends who stuffs an empty toilet paper roll with a couple dryer sheets and exhausts his smoke through them and it doesn’t smell as bad.]
I don’t know what the hell is going on, but last night started some baddddd BMs in my stomach. You know how people say “Everyone likes their own brand”? Well I wasn’t liking too much of my own brand last night (Fox and Oroc can attest to that) but today, it’s like a whole 'nother animal, with a hint of Howie.
Thank God my co-worker is a friend. We have the door closed but some toxicity definitely leaked out of the room; as I glance over just in time to see passer-bys throw up in their mouth a little and cover their noses with their hands.
Time to go, I need to drop some kids off at the pool before I get on the train. God forbid I am still gassy then. I sleep on the train and the last thing I want to do is gas the fucking entire car and not know it. And maybe take the risk of shitting my pants too.
i drank a lot, a LOT in orlando from thurs to monday. monday night going from emerils to margaritaville was the worst. way WAY too much. i was so dehydrated that i wasn’t…well, releasing. monday morning, 6am, get to the airport, get some water in me. then the stomach exploded. took off my belt to go through airport security, the bubble dropped. OOOHHHHH it was the worst feeling ever.
10 minutes later, one of the top 10 relieving feelings in my life
I felt like I was in heaven.
Miss howie.