My trip to Wal-Mart.

NYSpeed Automotive NYSpeed Off Topic
1

So a few weeks ago I made a huge mistake, and went to the evil pit that is Wal-Mart during the dreaded heat-wave . More specifically the one on Walden & Harlem seeing as it’s located within walking distance from the CubbyHole™. Of course having no concern for the enviroment I drove there, after all why waste the energy to walk a block when you can drive it. :tup:

So I make it to the parking lot, the bain of any car-lover’s existance. Being ranks in terms of safety:

  1. Your driveway
  2. Apartment complex
  3. Small store parking lot
  4. Supermarkets
  5. Mall parking lot
  6. The middle lane of the thruway during rush hour
  7. Delta-Sonic Car Wash
  8. Wal-Mart parking lot.

This lot was no different, immediatly upon entering it felt like a living auto-cross as I fought to avoid the shopping carts drifting around like angry hobo’s in the lot. Trying to avoid the hated door-dings, and dents associated with them. So for the safety of my sweet-ass wagon I ended up having to park a mile away from the entrance. And much like time-travel, safety can not be guaranteed even with this much distance from the carts as random kids like to hide in the shadows, and do stupid Jack-Ass style things like taking carts in the ass, and curb-flying.

So at this point started the hike to the main entrance. Shortly into my journey I walked straight into the dreaded ABC Gum trap. For those that don’t know it’s a devious trap that is set by unknowning pricks that don’t know the concept of a garbage can. It can easily ruin the best of days especially if you happen to have a vagina and stumble upon this sinister trap. But seeing as I have a penis, and some sweet worn-out payless shoes I scraped it off and was like “meh”. I then trudged on through the evil lot. The sun continued to beat down bearing it’s evil likeness on this sweltering 90 degree day. And only a half-mile out I could just make out what appeared to be hundreds of people looking much link tiny ant’s from here swarming around on-comming cars without looking in search of that ever elusive cash-settlement.

So I make near the doors, but the next hazard was just ahead. The Yellow Cross-Walk at this point I had to take great care to find any way I could avoid crossing there, as I no one ever uses it. And to do so would immediatly lead to being shunned by society as a whole. So having dodged that bullet I proceeded inside, naturally expecting an icey cool blast of air, I get a luke-warm blast of shitty 100 degree air.

Moving a bit futher in I’m blinded by flouresant light everywhere, in fact I think that no only could I have gotten a tan faster as it was much brighter. Looking at the interior decor one could easily tell by the painted cinder block, and expossed metal supports in the ceiling that this was a classy place indeed. I started to look around as the floresent lights began to do the job of searing my eyes out of my sockets. It truely is an inter-racial mix as you have an excellent mix of white-trash, welfare abusers, druggies, angry fat-bitches that like to cry a lot, spoiled brats, and poor people that never would set foot in there except when forced to like me.

So I proceed to spend the next two-hours wandering aimlessly trying to find what I want. All the signs, and warning labels everywhere were confusing. And the occasional odd fat-bitch smell caused me to lose my sanity more than once. I finally made it to the automotive section hidden way in back on the way I passed a bunch of used spray cans that were used to add style to the aisle. :tup:

I look at the oil looking for some super thin stuff, the aisle is a mess a few broken oil bottle here and there, with many misplaced. I find what I’m looking for some Penzoil 5w-20 perfect for what I need around 8pm in the afternoon on a sunday. But apparently the overly cute smiley forgot to slash the prices in this aisle as the prices were higher than average, but I was in a bind and had few choices if I wanted to get my computer back up and running.

So I work my way to the check-out counter avoiding stray toys, spoiled kids, and angry bitches. And make to what I thought would be the end of my journey. But it wasn’t even close to the end, as I come to the horrible realization that there is grand total of 3 people working the registers. Which wouldn’t be an issue except there are 20 people in each line, like always and only 3 out of the 18 check-outs in use as always. At this point I just say fuck it this isn’t disneyworld and I will not wait 2 hours for the pleasure to pay them. I stick the oil next to some candy well within reach of any passing 3 year-old leachers looking to steal some candy. And leave, quite a anti-climatic end but fuck that I’m not going to give them my money.

However on the way back a spoiled brat kid who was pissed he didn’t get his candy bar started to jump on a chinese made metal/faux ohwaitthatsobviouslyplasticnotwood wood. Apparently someone didn’t tighten the screws as the slat slipped trapping the brat in a world of hurt. I kind of envied them as they will most likely be rich in a few days.

I proceed to hop back into the rofflecopter and ride spinnas’ down walden to the abandoned K-Mart that no-one shops at on Walden.

I walk in, and behold no cinder blocks, and a ceiling! Nice soothing muzak that can be heard, and most of all it wasn’t nearly as shitty. I got what I wanted no bruises walked up to the near empty check-outs with not 2 of them open and one person in each line. Got in and out faster than if I would have waited an hour. :tup:

Cliffs:
-Wal-Mart Blows
-Wal-Mart Really, Really, Really, Really sucks
-Cheap hooker’s dual-wielding hoovers at a night-club suck less than Wal-Mart
-K-Mart is like Wal-Mart, only not as shitty and more pleasant.

2

STOP. thats was your first mistake. learn from your mistakes young jedi

3
  1. ur a homo
  2. i cant belive i read it all
  3. i was entertained b/c it is soooooo true
4

i had a similar experience today at the walmart SUPERCENTER on transit near sheridan (i bought a grease gun there because i needed one and im running out of money for the week).

my experience was enhaced by the fact that as i was leaving, paramedics were rolling one of the poor fat bitches out on a stretcher. she was unconscious and she was drooling all over herself. a faithfull walmart employee followed close behind with her 6 kids (im not even joking). the oldest one kept saying “where you takin her? we ain’ got no isurance ta pay fo a docta”

5

Wal-Mart isn’t worth my time. The lines are always so long that one would be led to believe there is a pot of gold waiting at the end. However, those of us with more wild imaginations can look around and pretend we’re awaiting our death at Auschwitz. Bright lights, battered people, crying children, and the nasty fellow at the Boulevard location that hates his life as a reward for our generous offering of our time and effort. Really. And he hands out cancer sticks on top of this, so it’s no stretch of the imagination to believe that he’s Hitler reincarnated.

6

First mistake, parking and going thru the front entrance. Park on the side (no cars)and go thru the side entrance @ the tire/oil change. Walk right in at the automotive and cash out right there as well. In and out in 5 mins.

7

Agreed, i live 5 minutes from there. and will never go to that one again…

8

:eyebrow:

9

I don’t even go to the one on Walden and Harlem

10

I just went to Walmart. It was a good night. Torpedo tits cashed me out.

11

Pretty much the only reason I’d go to a Wal-Mart: 5qt jugs of Mobil 1

12

Did I studder? I meant what I said. :wink:

13

I had a similar experience at Walmart on NFB today…except the lines were decent and no ABC gum trap. I swear, I couldn’t even walk normal speed because of the smelly rednecks moving slower than a molasses sloth eating a snail in January.

but wait! “How do you know they’re rednecks?” you might ask.
I will answer that with a question:

Do non-rednecks wear sleeveless flannels and NASCAR hats and smell like chew?

14

come out to the Lockport Wal-Mart, it is just as bad, every type of trash putz around for hours, there is this one checkout lady I have had a couple times that has a sweet mustache

15

^ does she have the handlebars? hehe

16

fixed

17

:gotme:

18

Btw, I’ll buy a cookie for anyone that can figure out the exact purpose of the oil for my computer. :lol:

19

Exactly my thought. Once I saw the locality, there was no way this was going to turn out anything but terrible.

However, the sad part is, that store is 10x better now than 2 years ago.

20

Good to know. I’ll be going there before my next oil change.