not disrespecting your moms hardfalls at all , i hope she is well . but that is not you fighting for yourself man , when ya experiance it u will see what i mean hopefully ya dont but i lived a very rough life and ya know what got me thru it ? it was all me i tried the religous thing and after a lot of thinkin and so on . discovered it was not me and that i didnt need a faceless god to help me just a set of nuts and a lot of self work