so I got bit by a snake last night... in my kitchen.

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1

So im a little drunk and I go into my kitchen to grab another beer. Look down and see a fucking snake trying to wiggle its way across the linoleum floor. Im like :eek3:

so then I decide to grab it. Its about 8-10" long and I get it by its tail end. Its flapping all over the place so i try to get it behind its head before it chomps down on my pecker or something. i get right up behind its head and the little fucker turns around and buries its fangs into the top of my thumb. I try to gently get him off (and it doesnt hurt a bit), but he wont let go. So i go back o my brothers room and say “hey Jay, can you give me a hand real quick”. so he comes out and sees this snake clamped onto my thumb and is like :eek3:

anywho, he wants to take a pair of scissors and chop the thing right behind its head, but i make him get a screwdriver and get between its jaws and pry him off, which worked very well. Held onto him for about 10 minutes while we looked him up on the interweb. I figured it was a garter snake, and it was. He looked really cool too and was super cool/calm once I got him behind his head. I let him go outside, but I really wish I would have kept him as a pet. :hs:

2

and you want me to stop over?

eff snakes.

3

thats not the kind of snake I plan on showing you if you stop over. :naughty:

4

:eek4:

:eek4:

5

high speed pellet gun + safety glasses = indoor snake/rat/mouse/mole carnage.

Annoying squirrel, no problemo! squeak! splat!

Birds in the attic, no problemo! flutter! splat!

DS’ unwanted pecker comin’ at ya, no problemo!

Garbage raiding raccoon, well…using proper shot placement (right on the 'ol balloon knot) he won’t be back.

6

if you shot my pet rat with a pellet gun I’d shove it down your cock hole, give it 10 pumps and make you wish you had never been born.

7

Not only are snakes f -in gross but to pick one up and not scurry away like a little girl…hmm and 2 you have a pet RAT?!? MY GOD sorry lil off topic but for the love of god man

8

And good thing I kept reading because I thought you were just having a wishful dream - - :wink:

9

:cool:

10

that’s cool… other than a snake being in your house.

i had pet rats when i was in college.

11

That would have been cool if you woulda just lopped off his head with the scissors while he was biting you.

12

Wow. I like snakes and all but I’d be super pissed if one bit me :ugh: I’m glad you let him free. :smiley:

13

I would’ve screamed bloody murder if I saw a snake in my kitchen.

14

my rat is cute as fuck. All the girls that come over are at first freaked out by him, but by the end of the night they are all asking to pet him. He’s more like a dog than a rat. He comes when you call him, he has tons of personality. Rats make great pets.

15

After reading that, I’m having a flashback of Sam Jackson and Travolta sitting in the diner discussing dogs and pigs in Pulp Fiction.

16

:rofl:

yeah I see what you mean. Yeah i wish it was 8-10 inches. You wouldnt believe how annoying it is having a 14" penis. Always sticking to inner thigh in the hot summer months. Just last week I was sitting down eating at a restaurant and this chick kept staring at my knee. Finally I got up and asked her what her problem was, and then I noticed my willy had untucked himself and was resting neatly on the top of my kneecap.

I ended up fucking her behind a dumpster about 20 minutes later, but thats beside the point.

17

Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’d never know ‘cause I wouldn’t eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That’s a filthy animal. I ain’t eat nothin’ that ain’t got enough sense enough to disregard its own feces. :rofl:

18

why? its not like he lunged and attacked me. I picked the fucker up. If he would have came at me, it would have been a whole other story.

19

werd. People never believe me when I say they make great pets. Very clean, they dont smell, lots of personality.

20

pussy. it was just a little garter snake.