sorry, my coke and hookers thing went off
(859): I’m at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
(1-859): Well… I doubt that.
:lol:
(315): So after we hook up we’re like cuddling and I smell him and he smells like tanning booth
(1-315): Ewwwwwwwww, he didn’t shower
(315): He doesn’t like to shower
(315): Now I have a yeast infection from his tanning juices
(1-315): Is he from jersey?
(248): So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren’t mine…
(703): oh
:mamoru:
(864): and the officer said have you been drinking
(864): and i said NOO SIR.
(864): and he said, I am a woman.
(616): I did the walk of shame to another booty call
(269): I don’t think that should turn me on, but it does
(818): Jake died.
(310): WTF??? That’s how you tell me???
(818): Oops typo. Jake cried.
today is sooo good.
please evryone, treat yourself
(480): Do you have any idea why the dryer isn’t working?
(325): Because you touch yourself at night.
lol
(909): grandma shit on top of the toilet
(651): Last night while we were having sex, ‘God bless the USA’ started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately… so awkward.
(402): I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
(316): I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He’s a keeper
(785): He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
hahaha
(916): I hate ducks.
(916): What?
(916): they’re sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
(518): Wow… I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: ‘I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine’
this one reminds me of myself ^^
(612): You guys sftrill at mcdondalds!!!
(763): Yes.
(612): fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
(919): great time with ya sorry i wasn’t one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
(269): Pants 0. Shit 1.
(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out…i went into my mom’s room to say goodnight and i don’t remember anything…she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes “whats so funny?” and i go “there are 7 people sitting on my knees” and she goes “doesn’t that hurt?” and i said “no we’re sitting in a bowl” and then i capped it off and said “join the crazy train bro” and passed out.
this made me lol
(540): what do you have against ST
(1-540): DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
(954): Your an asshole
(1-954): Actually, it’s “you’re an asshole”
(954): My point exactly
lol, perfect for NYSpeed.
fbrendan?
(478): So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
(410): Sounds like a really classy character…
(478): He is classy. It was argyle.
you dont want to get that thing sunburned!
(216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
(216): Holy shit r u serious? How?
(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wonder if my text made the cut lol
so far no. I cant get anything from 716 approved, wtf.
“made the cut” … it sure did…it made many if you will