Thats fine… then maybe call it quits on this thread. honestly. Shift518 is about the best form of negative reinforcement I can think of! Not a good way to cope with the pain of a lost one.
We all respected your loss for the most part. The thread has sort of shifted (like everything here does) and is now leaning towards helping/hoping someone else doesn’t make the same mistake and put more loved ones through the pain you are going through now.