Nah, didn’t mean it as ownage at all. I saw myself make the same exact mistake you’re doing when I was younger. Trust me, that car will fuck you up financially if you don’t just admit you don’t have the mechanical skills to keep it up yourself. That’s stuff you can learn, but it takes money and time to keep repairing it, and that much more money when you don’t have the time because it’s your DD.
EDIT:
On to fixing it. The relay might not be labeled at all. If you have a service manual (factory, haynes, etc) I’m sure it will tell you where it is. Some cars will run if you get them started, even if the relay is fried. Basically once the car gets some oil pressure the oil pressure switch tells the fuel pump to run. I used to start my money pit, I mean first Fiero, with a can of starting fluid all the time. It would blow relays about once a month and at the time I didn’t have the mechanical knowledge to figure out why. Not sure if a Stealth will do this or not.
http://www.stealth316.com/2-fuelpumprelaybypass.htm
Good pictures of the pump relay, and how to bypass it.
Before you go through all that, have someone try cranking it while you tap the relay with a screwdriver. If it’s just starting to go it might start right up.