Two cowboys were talking and one asked the other, “What is your favorite sex position?”
“I don’t know, said the other , What’s yours?”
“I like the Rodeo position said the first guy.”
“What’s that? asked the second cowboy.”
"Well, says the first guy, you get your girlfriend on all fours and mount her from behind.
Then you reach around and cup her breasts in your hands, then you say, “Wow, these feel just like your sister’s.” Then you just try to hang on for 8 seconds."
thats good but theres a couple versions of that
A sixteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!
He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”
“With what money?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.”
“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”
So the parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?” they said.
“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. “I don’t know her name; they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”
“Oh my Goodness,” moaned the mother, “she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”
So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche to for fifteen dollars, and demanded to know why she did it.
“Well,” she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn’t intend to come back.
He claimed he was stranded and told me to sell his new Porsche and then send him the money.
So I did."
:crackup nice one
A pretty blonde walks into a bar and asks the handsome fellow at the bar what he’s drinking.
He says, “Magic beer. You want one?”
“Aw, that’s stupid. There’s no such thing” she says.
“Look, I’ll show you”. He takes a big swig and proceeds to throw himself out of a nearby window, where he proceeds to fly up and around the building, and back into bar window.
“That’s incredible! I don’t believe it!” she says.
“Hey barkeep, throw me another one o’ them Magic Beers”. The bartender shakes his head and pours another beer and slides it down the bar. The man chugs about half of it and proceeds to leap out the window and circle the building again.
“Here, you try it” he says to the blonde.
She takes a big draw on the glass, jumps out of the window, and falls about 30 feet to the ground - breaking both her legs - and begins screaming in pain.
The bartender says, “Superman, you’re a real bastard when you’re drunk.”
:rofl
NOICE!
Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.< B>The robbers cracked the first safe’s combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.As recorded on the bank’s audio tape system, one robber said, 'At least we’ll have a bit to eat.'The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened.They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaperheadline read:IRELAND’S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING…
hahahhha :crackup :crackup
PWN3D!!
p.s. there is a joke thread somewhere…FYI
bumping this to the top so I can merge other topics
what do u call the foreskin on a fags dick???
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A mud flap
Y do fags us ribbed condoms?
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Better traction in the mud…
Four guys were at deer hunting camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, “Man, what happened to you?” He said, “Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”
The next night it was the second guy’s turn. In the morning, same
Thing–hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!” He said,
“Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night.”
The third night was Frank’s turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man’s man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. “Good morning,” he said. The other two couldn’t believe it! He looked rested and wide awake. They asked, “Man, what happened?”
He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl in, patted his (butt) and kissed him good night. Daryl sat up and watched me all night.”
They say the happiest days in life are the day you buy a boat and the day you sell it!! Well, here’s a good boat story!!
Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group from out-of-state who sank it. Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Therefore, Joe did not know that his brother John’s wife had died suddenly that day. When Joe got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery. A kind old neighbor woman mistook him for John and said: “I’m so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible.”
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said: “Heck no! Fact is I’m sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. ;I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys who were looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn’t very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!”
The old woman fainted.
:crackup :crackup :crackup
Man, you kill it on the jokes…every one of them are hilarious
i try ;D i got more just got sick of typing :confused
A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel
outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, “I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!”
The Madam is astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal.”
The trucker replies, “Listen sweetheart, I ain’t horny, I’m homesick.”
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, “This is a tree.”
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, “Tree.”
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, “This is a rock.”
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, “Rock.”
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, “Man riding a bike.”
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, “My bike.”
confuscious say…
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
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Man who run in front of car get tired.
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Man who run behind car get exhausted.
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Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
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Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
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Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok .
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Man with one chopstick go hungry.
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Man who scratch a** should not bite fingernails.
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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
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Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
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War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
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Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
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Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
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It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
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Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
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Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
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Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
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Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
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Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
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Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
last one for the night
A little American Indian boy asked his father, the big
Chief and witch doctor of the tribe, 'Papa, why is it
That we always have long names, while the white men
Have shorter names like Bill , Tex, or Sam???
His father replied, 'Look, son, our names represent a
Symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture. Not like the
White men, who live all together and repeat their names
From generation to generation. Also, it is part of our
Makeup that in spite of everything, we survive. For
Example, your sister’s name is Small Romantic Moon
Over the Lake, because on the night she was born,
There was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake. Then
there’s your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies,
because he was born on a day that the big white horse
Who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared
Near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live
And the life force of our people. It’s very simple and easy
To understand.
Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China ?
hey found this on the web:
winning a race in a Honda civic is like winning a race at the special Olympics.
you win the race, but you’re still retarded