You’re never supposed to reveal your secrets.
Oh I still have secrets.
Tell your parents first.
I heard most of those before. but the ‘new’ ones are great.
Russlle, Frank, Stu? LOL!!! I hope I can remember them to tell my mom, she loves corny jokes like these.
Also, what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the side of a mountain?
Cliff
:rimshot: 
Why does a blonde smile in a lightning storm?
They think their getting their picture taken
Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob from a granny
it feels great, but for christsake don’t look down.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don’t get some support soon people are going to think we’re nuts!
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant
Whats the most embrassing thing for a cheerleader?
When she does the splits and 8 class rings fall out!
What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist
How do they make roads in South Africa?
They make the black people lay down and have every other one smile
What happens to an Asian man who runs into a wall and has a full erection?
He breaks his nose
How do you start a black parade?
Roll a 40 down the street.
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They are fun to ride but you don’t want your friends to find out
How do gay gangsters do drive-by shootings?
They throw skittles at the victim and yell, “Taste the Rainbow!”
How do you know Santa has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year
What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne doesn’t come on a boy’s face until he’s 13 or so
What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year’s hide and seek champion
What’s black and white and comes in little cans?
Michael Jackson
How come Santa’s sack is really big??
Because he only ‘‘comes’’ once a year
Why don’t aliens eat clowns?
They taste funny
Two Mexicans are on a bicycle about 15 miles outside of Lafayette, Louisiana. One of the bike’s tires goes flat and they start hitching a lift back into town. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help, and the Mexicans ask him for a ride. He tells them he has no room in the trailer as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls.
The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit into the back with their bike, will he take them back into town and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their bike into the back and the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way.
By this time he is really late and so puts the hammer down and sure enough, a blond cop pulls him over for speeding. The lady officer asks the driver what he is carrying, to which the driver jokingly replies “Mexican eggs.” The Blond Lady Cop obviously doesn’t believe this so wants to take a look in the trailer. She opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.
She gets on her radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible plus the Swat Team. The dispatcher asks what emergency she has that require so many officers. “I’ve got a Tractor-Trailer stopped with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it. Two have hatched and they’ve already managed to steal a bicycle!”
:lol:
^
I remember hearing that one on a school bus when I was like 13… except it was black people, which works better because bowling balls are more likely to be black.
no affliction shirt? I like the fro-hawk
My Neighbors… The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, “I wanna watch.”
Yes its much dirtier, when it involves a hill, a weight station, a truck load of coy racism eggs, and 2 of them already hatched and stole bikes.
the mex clean version, meeeeh
i like the watch one.
There are two muffins in an oven…the first muffin says “Boy it’s hot in here…” the second muffin says “Holy Shit a talking Muffin!”
There are two cows standing in a field…the first cow says “Moo…” the second cow says “Hey! I was going to say that!”
When you buy Wal-mart in America you buy China. What happens when you buy Wal-mart in China? Do you buy yourself?
What’s the difference between a women and a washing machine?
A washing machine doesn’t bitch when you throw your load in it.
^ i didnt think any of those were funny. try harder.
Fine…
A cabbie picks up a Nun. The Nun notices that the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. The Nun asks him why he is staring. He replies:
‘I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.’
The Nun answers, ’ My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.’
‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.’
The Nun responds, ‘Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.’
The cab driver is very excited and says, ‘Yes, I’m single and Catholic!’
‘OK’ the nun says. ‘Pull into the next alley.’
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. ‘My dear child,’ said the nun, ‘Why are you crying?’
‘Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.’
The nun says, ‘That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.’
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked him why he replied:
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started…
My wife walked into the den & asked “What’s on the TV?” I replied “Dust”.
And that’s how the fight started…
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And that’s how the fight started…
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a scale.
And that’s how the fight started…
I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’ It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. ‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said.
So I suggested, ‘How about the kitchen?’
And that’s when the fight started…
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’ She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘Yes.’
So I said, ‘Then I’d like to phone a friend.’
And that’s when the fight started…
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that’s when the fight started…
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. ‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’
He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’
‘Nah, she can order for herself.’
And that’s when the fight started…
how do you keep a rhino from charging?
you take its credit card away =)