I Hate Autozone

Shift518 Automotive Shift518 Off Topic
1

:rofl:rofl:rofl link here: http://drunkrepublic.com/humor/160-i-hate-autozone

and for those too lazy to click:

So I got an event coming up at the local track…should be a fairly fun event and I want to take the truck out. Well…a few weeks ago, due to my own stupidity, I blew my hub seals on my rear end…and due to me catching the fucking flu…and other shit…I never got around to fixing them. So this is the week OF and I need the damn seals, right?

So I call up AutoZone:

“Thank you for calling AutoZone, how can I help you?”
“Yeah, I’m looking for axle seals of a ford 9” rear end…"
“Oooh. umm…hold on a second…” and he puts me on hold.

…15 minutes later…someone ELSE picks up…

“…umm thank you for calling AutoZone, who are you holding for?”
“I’m holding for someone to help me find some axle seals…”
“Oh… ummm. Huh… hold on a second.” and HE puts me on hold.

…10 minutes in, I’m getting pissed and I decide that this is a battle of wills. Them waiting for me to hang up…me waiting for them to get tired of the phone beeping and to pick up.

…10 MORE minutes…and I can feel my will about to give in completely to anger. FUCK THIS! While STILL on hold, I jump in my daily driver and drive my ass up to the AutoZone I’m on hold with!

I get there about 10 minutes later…and there’s 4 fuckers working…and like two people shopping…and one of them hits me up instantly:

“Welcome to AutoZone, how can I help you?”
…as I walk behind their counter to look for their phone…

“Yeah…do you have someone on hold right now?”
“Uh excuse me?”
…I point at the blinking, beeping phone…
“DO…YOU…HAVE…SOMEONE…ON…HOLD…RIGHT…NOW!?”
“Uhh…I guess so.”
“You guess so?? Let me help you. You DO have someone on hold…ME! I’ve been on hold for 45 fucking minutes! What in the HELL is THAT all about?? Can you give me one good reason why you’ve had me on hold for almost a fucking hour??”
“Well…uhh…I mean…uhhh…I was waiting for him (he points) to pick up…”
“He DID pick up…and put me right the fuck back on hold!”

“Uuhh…err…ahh…ummm…”
“Don’t give me any bullshit about how busy you are…there’s no one fucking in here! If my fucking question was simply too difficult for you, TELL me.”
“Well…what do you need sir?”
“What I needed was axle seals…but what I need NOW is to talk to YOUR fucking manager.”
“Yes sir.”…and scampers off to get El Jefe…
Manager: “Yes sir, what seems to be the problem?”

…I tell him, “…and I’m STILL on hold!” That’s right…I still haven’t hung up…

He looks at the phone…picks it up…and says, “Uhh Autzone, may I help you?”
I yell into MY phone, “IT’S ME FUCKER!!!” He jumps and hangs up.
“I’m hoping that isn’t your policy here! That if you CAN’T answer the question, just put the person on hold until they hang up?”
“Uh no sir!”
“Well lets see if y’all CAN help me…now that I’m here.”
He goes over to the computer…

I tell him, “I need axle seals for a 31 spline ford 9” rear end."
“What’s it out of?”
“Hell…i don’t know? Almost any 70s ford truck I’m sure.”
“Well I need to know what it’s out of.”
“I do not know…”
“Well what’s it in now?”
“That’s not gonna help you.”
“Sure it is”
“No…it won’t. There’s no way to search for the rear end?”
“No…so what’s it in?”
“A 2001 CHEVY SILVERADO ok?? Does THAT help???”
“No.”
“See?”

He connected me with someone at another AutoZone that actually WAS helpful…and I went over there to get the parts…

2

:rofl :rofl :rofl
Fucking HILARIOUS!!

3

Good God. :rofl

4

epic. funny though.

5

I don’t find it that funny.

It’s like going to a doctor and telling him that you have a pain.

He asks you where.

You say I don’t know, I got a pain somewhere, you figure it out.

:crazy

6

I may or may not have done that to people when I worked at AAP.

7

theres a surprise someone who works at auto zone and has no clue wtf is goin on…used to work at sears got dum questions like do you have any 7 10 fluid??..hrmmm fuck no…so she brings the cap in n i say maaa’m that say oil upside down…derr upp yeppp wach way did he go george wich way did he go…i will love him n pet him n play with him:ahh

8

should have went to advance lol i never fucked up when i was there

9

jesus christ they have some fucking retards working there,

one time I was looking for a throwout bearing for my mustang and the kid looked at me kinda confused and was like “huh throttle bearing?”

Im not even gonna go into the time I needed a carb rebuild kit…

10

You have to realize that if they were better educated and knew more about parts they could qualify for a better paying job as well…

You don’t expect a McDonalds worker to make a perfection chef type burger, because if he couldn’t he wouldn’t be working there.

You want discounted parts you get cheap labor employees.

11

Advance employees all up in this bitch defending that shit and shit.

12

Not surprised at all. It’s unskilled labor.

13

A lot of times I go on their website and find the part number; when I go into the store and they say they don’t carry it without looking on the computer, I ask them if they have this part number. Works 95% of the time. The other 5% is when their inventory is screwed up and they don’t what the computer lists. :lol

14

I love when they ask what vehicle is it for, when it has nothing to do with the part your looking for.

15

Plus one. I add everything I need to the shopping cart and print that out and say, “Here, find these.”

16

i agree, i hated when customers called and asked for a waterpump or some other shit and say it’s for a small block chevy. i have no way to look that shit up…and they have no clue what it’s out of…so fuck em…

17

I told the guy one time, and said 1996 Nissan Skyline, it was an older guy and he said it’s not in the computer! duh! :lol

18

Joe wanted one step cooler plugs for the Trans Am, so he goes to Advance and tells the woman exactly what he wants - She asks what car it’s out of. So he asks why the hell that matters when he knows what he needs. Well, she won’t even look for the plugs until he tells her, and then refuses to sell them to him because they were not factory spec. :rofl

19

Well unless you give them a part number, how on Earth will they know which part to get?

There are two sides to the story, some parts customers aren’t exactly the brightest crayon in the box either.

20

one of my friends called asking for a water pump for a 1969 VW bug…they found one in their computers :rofl